Why Push in Yoga?

When I first started yoga I went for the challenges to my flexibility and strength. I did Power Vinyasa and I was all about the "butt-kicking" workout. Then, in April of 2008, I was diagnosed with MS. At first, I could barely stand. My balance was shot. This changed my perspective on yoga.

I started taking therapeutic yoga designed people with auto-immune disorders. I backed off on my practice and focused on breath and meditation.

This summer I went to a "Strength and Flexibility" workshop with one of my favorite teachers. During the class, I found myself questioning the emphasis on strength, flexibility and speed. "Why would a teacher ask us to push?" I questioned.

One of my friends then explained it to me. A rigorous practice is designed to help us learn to push through challenges. It teaches us to overcome obstacles. it teaches us to deal with the tough stuff in life. It shows us how to use breath and focus to take on the hurdles life places before us. So sometimes you must embrace the challenge to learn what you are truly capable of.

Beyond Fear

The last year and a half of my life has been wrought with almost paralyzing fear. In April of 2007 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It completely changed my life.
Learning that you have a chronic, degenerative illness can be very disheartening and also very scary. At first I was completely terrified. Would I be able to teach and do yoga? Would I lose my primary career as a public school teacher? Would I lose my health insurance? Would I lose my home?
In addition to my fears about what I would lose, there were the initial, serious health issues. The first symptoms I experienced included vertigo and double vision. I was so sick at first that I could not stop vomiting. With the help of a variety of medications, I managed to get balanced enough to continue working but every day was a living hell. I was so afraid. At the time, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. Then, two weeks after the first symptoms of vertigo I started vomiting blood and was rushed to the ER. My best friend later told me I could have died.
When I first faced the prospect of my own death I was filled with calm. All of my fear disappeared, and for the first time I looked out on the world without the veil of terror that clouded my life. I awoke every day, thankful for my life. Every day after that moment became a gift.
After a few months of living with MS, my fears began to reemerge. In fact, they almost submerged me completely. The only thing that brought me back to myself was my breath. My breath and the idea that I must stay entirely present. I would tell myself, “Just get through the next ten minutes,” and then I would. I lived a minute at a time for a very long time. I kept doing yoga, meditation and breathe work and in time, I could look at my life more than ten minutes at a time.
Why do I tell you this? Yoga has the power to heal even our worst wounds. Breath grounds us. Being present helps us focus only on the things right in front of us. It helps us shed past and future. I have found that by not focusing on these things, staying grounded in each precious moment, we can survive anything. So use your yoga to combat your fears and anxieties and in the release of fear, find your freedom!