Beyond Fear

The last year and a half of my life has been wrought with almost paralyzing fear. In April of 2007 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It completely changed my life.
Learning that you have a chronic, degenerative illness can be very disheartening and also very scary. At first I was completely terrified. Would I be able to teach and do yoga? Would I lose my primary career as a public school teacher? Would I lose my health insurance? Would I lose my home?
In addition to my fears about what I would lose, there were the initial, serious health issues. The first symptoms I experienced included vertigo and double vision. I was so sick at first that I could not stop vomiting. With the help of a variety of medications, I managed to get balanced enough to continue working but every day was a living hell. I was so afraid. At the time, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. Then, two weeks after the first symptoms of vertigo I started vomiting blood and was rushed to the ER. My best friend later told me I could have died.
When I first faced the prospect of my own death I was filled with calm. All of my fear disappeared, and for the first time I looked out on the world without the veil of terror that clouded my life. I awoke every day, thankful for my life. Every day after that moment became a gift.
After a few months of living with MS, my fears began to reemerge. In fact, they almost submerged me completely. The only thing that brought me back to myself was my breath. My breath and the idea that I must stay entirely present. I would tell myself, “Just get through the next ten minutes,” and then I would. I lived a minute at a time for a very long time. I kept doing yoga, meditation and breathe work and in time, I could look at my life more than ten minutes at a time.
Why do I tell you this? Yoga has the power to heal even our worst wounds. Breath grounds us. Being present helps us focus only on the things right in front of us. It helps us shed past and future. I have found that by not focusing on these things, staying grounded in each precious moment, we can survive anything. So use your yoga to combat your fears and anxieties and in the release of fear, find your freedom!